I am leaving this house...

...when I graduate or before that in a bag

I can't wait for that day, and on that day I am never ever coming back. Ever. Not for Christmas, not for thanksgiving, not for anything. The next time I see her will be at her funeral, and that is only if it is an open casket.

There is no one or thing on this planet I hate more than my own mother. If she wasn't a means to an end for food/etc I'd see her dead years ago.

This is the same woman-and I use that term loosely-who tells me frequently she never wanted a son and who loves her cats more than her own flesh and blood. Sometimes you really have to think how to hurt someone, I have done this in depth. I now know if it came to it I would kill her cats. I know in my heart I could do it and sleep soundly at night. I know I'd start with the male cats, because after that she'd have no boys left. Not anymore.

This is a woman who has advocated my demise numerous times. Who has a deep harboured hate of the people I have choosen to love, not so much the people, more of the colour of their skin.

Where did I go wrong, how did I raise such a monster, she'll cry. I'll ask the earlier part of the question to Jim, and question his 25 year old decision to marry and stay married. You know what? Those two "parents" if you can call them that, they made me weak. They spoiled me as a child, they would give me whatever food I wanted (and what does a kid want to eat except bad food/junk food), they made me fat...and children at school are merciless. They didn't even FORCE me to learn Italian. I have never ever spoken to my grandfather to be honest. They didn't make me exercise, they didn't make me play sports. They made me weak. I know in my heart I could be so much better than I am today.

This is a woman who whines and complains about my schooling. Three more years I have to put up with you she'll say. I'll point out some flaw in her logic, again for lack of a better word because it is far from that, or I'll show her where/how she is wrong. She will nag me for hours about how I think I am so good because I went to University, how I'M the idiot. This from a college drop out.

My youth was stolen from me. Our house? Ruined. So I couldn't bring someone over if I wanted to. My whole teenage life, stolen because of her and her god damn attitude. Do you know what that embarassment is like? Do you?

This is a woman who just wastes and wastes money. When I look at that old man in the kitchen who was my father and I think that at 62 he still works ridiculously hard only to have that devil spend his money like nothing. There are not words to describe it. I never wanna end up like him.

I could go on, but alot of the time I think about the way out. Alot of the time. People shouldn't think about those kind of things. If you have even considered it you are fucked, and I have a plan, what does that say? That 1984 Camaro Berlinetta is just sitting in that garage. Some muscle relaxants, shut the door and you are in business. The car might as well be used for something right? right.

People will say alot of things, how could you feel that way? that is your mother man. Ya well go fuck yourself.

People will say you can't choose your children.

Well, you can't choose your parents.