She's looking at you? oh no no no, she's looking at me...

I'm feeling mighty fucking gangster today. Destroyed all my midterms before reading week, pretty sure I destroyed the programming one last night. Mighty gangster.

But...I say to you what every warrior has known since the beginning of time, nothing is as it seems. Man I am so lonely, it's the little things, like when I send someone a text, I just really want them to reply...and when they don't it breaks my heart, and know this, it can take my life, but it can never take my urge to try.

Believe in me. Help me believe in anything. I want to be someone who believes.

I heard you on my wireless back in 52...

Lying awake intent at tuning in on you.
If I was young it didn't stop you coming through.


They took the credit for your second symphony.
Rewritten by machine and new technology,
and now I understand the problems you can see.


I met your children
What did you tell them?

Video killed the radio star.
Video killed the radio star.
Pictures came and broke your heart.


And now we meet in an abandoned studio.
We hear the playback and it seems so long ago.
And you remember the jingles used to go.

You were the first one.
You were the last one.

Video killed the radio star.
Video killed the radio star.
In my mind and in my car, we can't rewind we've gone to far

Video killed the radio star.
Video killed the radio star.

In my mind and in my car, we can't rewind we've gone to far.
Pictures came and broke your heart, put the blame on VTR

Sure this is an 80's gem, and trivia note it was the first song played on MTV EVER. Remember when MTV played music? Fuck man, I do...Anyways, I feel it's message applies as much today as it did then. Obviously you replace video with the internet and radio with well, everything?

Now I am not complaining that much, but just 3 years ago when i was in highschool, no one had cellphones, we didn't Facebook so much, I dunno...we were just so different. We would just call people. I compare that with today, and wow I just don't know. I am not opposed so much as I am just able to relate with this song.

I have long had this discussion with my friends. Why is it that the youth today look so much older than us that is to say, take a group of similar sized/class/dressed/etc males and compare them with me and my friends and they will often look older than us. What is it...

Why is this? What causes this? I don't know, no one has an explanation. I'm not a Doctor. Anyways I digress, my point was that much like the 80's, much like anytime I suppose one could say, we live in an age of constant change...where the fuck am I going with this...I'll be honest, I began writing this at like 8 pm, its not 2 am...this is pointless, and off topic. Oh well, I guess I can

put all the blame on VCR

And sometimes Y

int i, j='A'+32;
printf("%c", j);
for (i=1; i<5; i++) {
j += 4 + i/3*2;
printf("%c", j);
}
printf("\n");

If you get it, hats off. I actually got this one.

Grandma take me home...

Life needs more Sliver.

Got an interview for a job today, a job I REALLY want...I hope it goes well, it would be a good opportunity for me.

Anyways, Sliver...he looks so...he looks so Kurt in that video. I can't really watch their music videos too often, I always feel like it was all a lie. He gave us so much and then he just took it all away. To me sometimes, it feels like he cheated us, cheated us out of who knows how many more years of great music. The one transgression I can never forgive Kurt for.

But, hurting hearts don't care. Me of all people understands this. At the end of the day I understand what he did, and I know I am not too far off somedays...at least it feels like that.

...Woke up in my mother's arms.
Grandma take me home.
I wanna be alone.

That light is reflected now, reflected from afar.

Together, but miles apart (maybe 140 miles?)
Every inch between us becomes light years now

It don't seem fair.

Kickass, That's how I spell success

Uneventful day...

Saturday so no workout, I know..breaks a old man's heart to say the least. None sunday either because of my mother's Godchild birthday, the fuck...who cares. I don't give a shit I can tell you that much. For this reason I've lost a day of studying. This on the eve of two midterms. Typical.

A better, happier me right?

So I have really come to this sort of conclusion in life, at least this applies for now. Things always change. I really care more about someones appearance than anything else. I am impossibly vain and shallow and I am proud of it. This of course applies to only women, well ya, I'm not gay.

To me a woman is someone who takes care of her hair, she does it up something nice. She wears makeup, nothing extreme...but eyeshadow is to die for. Fuck lipstick, shit is probably toxic over a lifetime anyways. Perfume...perfume, smell is one of the most powerful, if not THE, most powerful Eyeliner? Yes.

When I think about myself, I really only care about two things in this world. My education and looking good. That's it. I mean, I just don't know how I feel about someone who doesn't care about their appearance, I mean, trying to look good is why I learned to crawl before I walked. It's just done. In the end I think the prettier one will always win out for me.

It's why I spend almost everyday at the gym, and else everyday exercising. It's why I try to dress nice. I'm vain.

A girl is pretty. A woman is beautiful.

But...we can all go home

Man, I can't do any questions about Gantt charts in APS, and on the 09 exam I completely flunked the Cost/Time graph...

The fuck? Like I went to every lecture, I have been studying, I feel I understood the material, but then I get to these questions and well...we can all go home. It doesn't help that there is no one to ask as no one else in APS pays attention BUT me, that leaves me with asking the prof tmrw (my last chance before the midterm), but...we can all go home.

Anyways, I'll stop that...after the expected fuckery that will be APS, is the even worse Earth Systems Engineering, so help me God I can not do those lab assignments to save my life. Honestly, if it was hand in a passing lab or die, this blog wouldn't be updated anymore...but, we can all go home.

Well, I'm not going home.

I am gonna get on that bus on tuesday morning, and I am gonna score so well on that test, that the 1T4's are going to feel it.

Epic Speeches, to be continued...

Van Damme, Street Fighter. "Well...I'm not going home"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMV2hnlcmgU

Pacino, Any Given Sunday. "One inch at a time..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WO4tIrjBDkk&feature=related

George C. Scott, Patton "Americans love a winner, and will not tolerate a loser...The very thought of losing is HATEFUL to Americans."
http://www.videosift.com/video/George-C-Scott-as-General-Patton-Opening-Speech

Viggo Mortensen, Return of the King. "But it is not this day!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GgSdiX0kDI

Mel Gibson, Braveheart.
"Yes. Fight and you may die. Run and
you will live, at least awhile. And
dying in your bed many years from
now, would you be willing to trade
all the days from this day to that,
for one chance to come back here as
young men, and tell our enemies that
they make take our lives, but they
will never take our freedom?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Im3S8PRWjeg

Alec Baldwin, Glengarry Glen Ross. "Put that coffee down...coffee is for closers...you see this watch? This watch costs more than your car"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TROhlThs9qY&feature=related

Man that's enough epicness for one night...

More to come for sure, I was just going by memory I guess I have to sit down and think about it some more.

God damn it

I had just written a large entry and I went to post it and fucking IE runtime error, fuck that shit.

Anyways, to sum it up:

Constantly tired as of late, little drive, doesn't study half as much, lazy, irritable...the list goes on

I even skipped class today, hence why I am writing this at 11 AM.

Oh well...needs more JCVD