New Year's eve tomorrow night.

My favorite day of the year! Through the looking glass, that's for sure. (Sarcasm)

Watch Inception, really really good movie.

Weekend Dream

Spreading out
Is a solid blue collage
With a basketball for a pillow
The boy looks up at tomorrow in the sky

The cherry blossoms have begun to fall
Do you know this scent?
Yeah, summer's almost here
The sound of the wind, the scent of the grass
The crunching footsteps drawing near

The hazy orange mountains
The crows return home to their mother's breast
Lovers are walking happily
Hand in hand

Hey, I wonder if
The sky will always be this pretty
Hey, I wonder if
The wind will always be this clear
Hey, I wonder if summer will always come after spring
The worst Sunday

Spreading out
Is a solid blue collage
With a basketball for a pillow
The boy looks up at tomorrow in the sky

The hazy orange mountains
The crows return home to their mother's breast
Lovers are walking happily
Hand in hand

Hey, I wonder if
People will always hold hands
Hey, I wonder if
People will always embrace
Hey, I wonder if summer will always come after spring
The worst Sunday

Ghetto livin

It has been a long long time. I suppose an update on my life is in order. I want you to read this in Morgan Freeman's voice.

On November 18th I developed a strange pain in my testicles. This pain was at some times very severe, but alas I had to study for that APS quiz which was the next day. After the quiz I went to visit a doctor. They figured I had an STD. An STD? Fair enough, I am sexually active but I'm no fool, wrap your tool. Unless you got a steady thing, in that case...she's a cheatin' hoe. I digress.

So, I took some tests at that doctor, come Monday I call to get my results only to find that doctor has gone on vacation for an undetermined amount of time. Fuck. So I start seeing a U of T doctor. Not exactly the nicest woman I have ever met, but I can't exactly pick and choose them can I? She orders an Ultra sound of my scrotum and bladder and urinary tract infection tests. A week or so later, all negative. At this point my pain has now developed from my testicles to my right lower quadrant abdominal region. (RLQ) for short-as I would discover over the many weeks of deciphering doctor-talk.

The next procedure was an abdominal ultrasound to look for renal colic, liver issues, Gall bladder, you name it. Negative...mild pelviectasis on the right side (transient) and moderate on the left, but nothing of concern. Next step? Another ultrasound! This time let us check for a hernia in the abdominal wall. Fair enough, I figured this was likely the cause as I am a beast man in the gym and at the time was lifting almost twice my body weight in front squats. You guessed it. Negative for a hernia. Keep in mind the march of school and time proceeds unchecked. Sleep loss began to take its toll and my marks would suffer.

Life goes on right, that's what my man Tupac says. Soldiering through this shit, we arrive in our journey to the day of December 10th, Fluid mechanics exam for all the non 2nd-year civil engineering students. About half way through the exam my pain intensifies into a feeling unlike I had ever experienced before. I scribble down what will pass as my energy grade line and stumbled my ass to Mount Sinai hospital. Ohh man, I don't even wanna feel the way that I felt that afternoon ever again. I can't even describe it. After a grueling 5 hours in emergency, I am discharged. "Nothing wrong with you. Come back tomorrow, we will do more tests."...mother fuckers. I guess the blood tests and further urine tests showed no abnormalities.

I return the next day, surprisingly with my father in tow. I received another ultrasound to examine in particular my appendix, which at this point may be the culprit and ready to burst sending me to my untimely death. Well...just my luck they cannot find my appendix. The fucking radiologist herself came to find it when the technician turned up blank. Advanced medical degree in hand...what the fuck is this? A bad joke? The next step for me, a CT scan. basically the 2nd highest order test you can get. With every CT scan you get a lottery ticket, 1/1000 get cancer from a CT scan. Maybe I am lucky eh?

The CT scan is less than pleasurable. You are required to take an IV drip which will inject you with an X-Ray contrast dye. Spoiler the dye has its own risks including seizures and hives and shit. Nothing bad happened, but it left me with this horrible metallic taste for a day or two. Furthermore, you get this rush of pure heat within your body as it circulates. Never experienced anything like that before. Anyways, long story short. Nothing is medically wrong with me.

Not a thing. I am still in pain and discomfort to this day. It's been better..sometimes, and sometimes bad. Walk around like I got a target on my chest...that is what it feels like.

I don't drink. I eat right, no fast food no high salt. I exercise more than I breathe. I train my mind. I don't smoke, anything. My drug use is minimal, don't even take Tylenol, the only thing I do is shrooms. That's just the way it is, sometimes people just get sick. There doesn't have to be a reason. It just happens.

I don't wanna be bitter, but I am. I wasn't a very happy person before November 18th, I ain't exactly any better on December 23rd, even worse. I can't speak for those who read this, but you don't know what is like living with chronic pain, if you do, please share your experiences. I am not looking for sympathy, I'm not trying to be a whiny bitch. I'm 21 years old, I want my life back.

And it feels, and it feels

...like Heaven is so far away

I don't want to go to school tomorrow. More of the endless grind, you just can't win. A useless Management tutorial where you slave away on some crap you will never use in life. The endlessness of Fluid, talking about some crap in pipes. Then to the gym. Only to get there and keep checking over my shoulder at the clock. Why? Because I have to go home and study for math, a bunch of crap I will never use because I will never ever be a researcher. Let alone the fact that any research would hire a stats guy for numerical analysis.

Did not do a thing today. Got up, watched a bunch of "Say yes to the dress" chilled, went to grandparents, rode my bike. This day, can't be taken back.


Future is above, but in the past...slow and sinking

Bearing a gift beyond price...almost free

85 kg Clean as of Friday.

I burnt out this weekend, in October no less. I just couldn't bring myself to study. I sat there starring at the paper. I tried to imagine my life without school. I just couldn't picture it, it wouldn't register in my mind as a possibility.

In the words of Vanderburg, I suppose that school has become my 'sacred', the central myth in my life that can do no wrong. The very thought of life without it is impossible to comprehend. studying for that test on Friday I thought that concept was pretty far fetched, usually his stuff has some real basing, which I gather. But now today, I really get the 'sacred' concept. I'm living it.

I was just thinking about all my friends who will graduate. In my friend's dorm studying today, I watched as she scrambled to complete some NSF 487 paper, she did leave it for the last minute but that is another story. I digress, the weight that lifted from her heart and mind when she was reminded that in about 130 days, that's it for her. Well, the look of relief was indescribable. I felt like such a child in comparison, for me there is 2 years and those 130 days. Often my two years of seniority is painfully aware when I am in class, be in maturity or some life experience you only get with age. But I guess, I'm a child in the class of children. Best of the worst is still bad.

I will pray, I don't do it often. I need the strength.

I always asked myself if they took it all away would I still keep the courage?

It seems that the time has come, and I don't know. If not...then what? Have my friends eyes blurry saying goodbye at the cemetery?

I am so scared.

Second year sucks, it's like jerking off without the payoff. The best part of everyday you ask? When it's over.

All that anticipation and build up for nothing. I feel robbed.

Fluid mechanics? gay.
Ecology, basically everything I did in first year evolutionary bio and ecology. In so many words, gay.
Solid: hard as fuck
Construction: Undecided, but leaves me feeling stupid everyday.
Math: useless, like all math is in the real world. Gay

APS, actually interesting. I want to ask him so much about life, his views on stuff, maybe I should go see him in his office. Mainly I want to hear his political leanings for the municipal election.

Otherwise, started to slack at the gym...slack at school, it's like, I don't care if I do poorly. No drive. The only thing I do care about is my powerlifting, to which I set two P.B's last friday, culminating at 78 kg Clean.

At least I get something right. Well, working on it.

I am without resolve

The whole summer, I had my game face on ready to get back to school. Now it's here, and has been here for a few weeks. My burning desire to be the best or at least one of them is gone, I really don't feel like doing really well like I normally do.

No desire to over achieve. 70s would probably be fine anyways right?

I am without urges

Uneventful day...

I don't get women, "oh David, you never include me in your life, I don't feel like I am a part of it" what kinda crap is that? Selfish. I don't want to sacrifice time out of my day to come and see you when I could be chillin, sleepinn, gymin, eatin, studyin or doin nothin.

I don't like women very much. Well maybe I just like my routine a lot more, probably closer to the truth. I can't help but believe in me.

Nice guys finish last

I am 100% up to date with all work as of day one.

Feels good.

The only thing I haven't done is buy some of the textbooks. With regard to that I have decided to only buy one, fluid mechanics. I printed Solid, and will share the rest or not get them.

Austerity is my middle name. That or I am cheap, the former sounds alot more professional. If spending money on stuff that I really don't want, i.e. textbooks was a female, well...she wouldn't be my type.

I have been waiting to post this picture for some time...

Game time

Weekends the week begins

Deep title eh? Deep.

Well, this is it…and by that I mean I still have tomorrow left. Who is counting? I will certainly miss a lot of things, dressing like a boss, the laughs with the good people, the crazy customers, Renn St. Bernard’s singing [yes that is his name, he is a holy man indeed], Jim and I working together without fighting and David A. in Workforce Management.

I got a very nice reference letter from HR, let us hope I can use it to leverage my ass into a nice City of Toronto placement next summer, benefits, easy work. Just talkin’ about money, I ain’t concerned right?

One thing I won’t miss is that hum, that White noise which exists seemingly unheard by regular patrons of office buildings. Given that I work later in the evening and night, the office is relatively empty, minus my department. It is therefore a consequence of such emptiness that I am washed in this White noise. It is annoying, and once you start thinking about it you cannot “unhear” it. New word for you kids.

Finally, eating alone…everyday for the last 3 months, would be 4 but during training in May I had lunch with well, lots of people. But I digress, the last three months, Monday to Friday at or about the time period of 8 to 8:30 pm. Hopefully at school I won’t have to eat alone anymore, probably the worst thing ever. Definitely.

From now my challenges are merely those of theory.

Take these chances
Place them in a box until a quieter time
Lights down, you up and die

I can really say that my customer service skills have improved. Dealing with people is less of a challenge now as I have experience leveraging their own uncertainties and questions against them. Anything to close an order, anything. I plan on utilizing these hard earned skills in my coming battle with Rogers. If memory serves the seventh of September ends my 3 year contract I started with Rogers when I began my journey at U of T (a journey which takes a new path the very same day). With the end of a contract comes Retention, a verbal joust where a Rogers rep tries to convince me to stay, and I sucker them out of as much money as I can. Get your fucking game face on.

Sandals to work kind of guy

I gotta start getting prepared for the civ201 trip, I have boots, going to use my old reliable construction boots, got eye wear, I am sans eye wear, hardhat and the reflective vest…do we really need the latter? In retrospect I likely have ear protection, the state of it, that is another matter entirely.

So this weekend, con weekend. I wait ALL year for this. All year. I am volunteering again this year, and sure as hell I plan to abuse what small bit of power I am afforded. Not to mention the t-shirt (I only spell it like that as that is how it is autocorrected on MS Word) is balling and total gym wear. What is not to love? There will be some big changes this year, new venue being the most prominent. Not to mention presales are forecasting a crowd of greater than 60,000 people in attendance.

So, just today at work I finished this massive, and I mean massive thread on a popular forum about the TTC. It was a take on the age old topic starter “Ask a (insert noun) anything”. In this case the noun was TTC employee and asking away is what people did, 194 pages and approximately 3000 posts to be exact (irony). A fellow named Agram answered question after question giving his inside knowledge. He is a TTC mechanic and has worked for both the union and now holds a staff job.

I don’t know if you know this, I didn’t until some education but the TTC is roughly divided into three core units. The union comprises drivers (all flavors), cleaners/janitors, grounds keeping, painters, etc. Staff comprises the BULK (essentially a major issue) forepersons, supervisors, division and section chiefs, engineers, accountants/bookkeepers, bean counters…white collar jobs essentially and literally. The highest tier being the politicians, Commissioners and well David Miller’s lackey Adam Giambrone.

Essentially, you have a perfectly workable system which is strangled by politicians and bureaucracy. Now this is a union city, that is what Toronto is, and I hate that as much as the next guy. But I was naïve to place the blame squarely on the union, ATU 113, if memory serves. Their hands sure aren’t free of blood, but they are covered.

The union’s purpose is to safeguard the best interests of its members, that is why they pay ~20 dollars every week for union dues. You do the math. It is the union which regulates how much work an employee should/will have to do per shift and other details like this. This type of agreement is worked out between the union bosses and staff at contract drafting times. You know, those times when the union talks big, the management talks small, and in the end the union threatens a walk out and holds us ransom. Obviously we cannot afford the additional cost of declaring the TTC an essential service. /sarcasm.

Anyways, the politicians who answer to their corporate sponsors and campaign supports. Read: not the voters they apparently are elected to SERVE. They push on whatever hot-button onto the management which have to hawk it to the union, you know…after 13 advisory committees, three consulting groups and a city council meeting. Red tape.

On an unrelated note, if I read one more comment in the T star or on CBC news about how we should more like the MTR in Hong Kong, or this or that about NYC or Tokyo transit…well, I will be very upset. You cannot, CANNOT, compare a system which is in NYC’s case, 100% state funded or in the case of the MTR, a corporate enterprise with our system. Our system is funded massively by whatever is put in the fare box, and very very little municipal funding, forget about the province.

I could rant on, but alas, I am about to go home from work…lesson to be learned, as much as it pains me saying this , it is not all the unions fault for the TTC, the rest of Toronto (public sector), fuck ya…all union, but here, we have excessive management with top pressure from ill-advised and uneducated politicians.

Too many chiefs, not enough Indians I believe the saying goes…

Sittin in my livin room calm and collected

“Earth angel, Earth angel…will you be mine? My darling dear…love you all the time”

The one I adore…

So, on Saturday I sat through like 4.5 excruciating hours of The Assassination of Jessie James by the Coward Robert Ford. You know what? Screw the nay-sayers. I really enjoyed that film, a time piece? Yes, but a good ne at that. The long drawn out shots of pure silence, they create such a feeling of tension…I really felt buried under the weight of the emotions. I find myself asking, does he know? Does he not know? Obviously you know Jessie (by virtue of the title, SPOILERS) is killed. The destination is not important in this film, the journey is. What an intense journey follows. Whatever mish-mash of words I could comprise to describe the atmosphere would pale in comparison, if you have several hours one day, I recommend you to watch it yourself.

Another point I would like to raise is the scenery/sets, as it is a western piece you can expect horse ridding. Well what can I say; the landscapes are vast and engulfing. True to the times, people really did live in the middle of nowhere and the landscape does not hide this. You get these wide open shots of the Great American country. You feel small and belittled. Jessie James a notorious outlaw known by the thousands seems small and insignificant when shown in the vast expanse of some of the shots. Perhaps this is a stab at humility or social commentary by the director? I don’t know, I am not a Doctor.

I have been getting back into the swing of running, did 3 km on Friday night, and boy oh boy has my cardio hit the ground. Even with all that cycling, I just guess it wasn’t enough, who would have thought less than two months could be so damaging to my lung capacity. Again, perhaps it was just a bad night, those do happen, but nonetheless, no one is giving it out. You have to take it.

You ever met someone and then lost contact? Just came to mind, I don’t know if I have ever written about this before and my way to lazy to go through and look, so whatever. You know, maybe there was a spark there or a connection and for one reason or another you just let it go…and you have no idea why. Oh why…who cares that there was several continents and a ocean or two separating you, and when you talk you weren’t even on the same calendar day. Should not have gone down this road, memories awash.

Oh well, you know I ain’t with this shit Lieutenant. Gotta break it off proper right? It has to be bumpin, I have to put the rap down, just like a clock, I tick and tock but I am never off.

Remember kids, don’t be someone’s punching bag, make them yours. Middle class gangsters right? Right.

I got a machinehead...better than the rest

You know that feeling when you go away on a vacation for trip somewhere and upon your return home everything feels so different? That feeling like you have been gone a lifetime and everything changed, everything went on without you. Your entire existence is really belittled as you realize your personal ‘world’ and within that, your local area and the people within it likely noticed the weather more than your presence or lack thereof.

Ya, that feeling.

I love that feeling, it breaks down that ego and really reminds you of the humility one should flaunt (ironically) day to day. I was fortunate enough to have this feeling this Saturday after returning from a shopping trip to New York State.

I haven’t had that feeling in a long time, sometimes it is nice, sometimes it is melancholy.

So, schedule update, I have all my courses now except for APS301, I am waitlisted for that, but I have been informed that I am awaiting Registrar’s approval, as it is a core course and I definitely should be in it. Not to mention, I am overcharged several hundred dollars…but that is a battle for Wednesday… not looking forward to that.

I started this with the intention of complaining about two of my friends in particular and their currently lifestyles. In a period of self-reflection I really don’t believe anything I say or write here will change a thing between me and them. In my mind the story and details have been told a million times, and some days it don’t come easy, some days it don’t come at all. In the end, certain people will choose to escape reality via weed or liquor. The escape is more important than their relationships.

Telling someone like them to stop, or cut back is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline.

Why would I want to see someone who would choose a plant over me?

Reminds me of a Green Day song:

Boxed up
All of her favorite things
Sold the rest at a rainy yard sale
Big plans and leaving friends and
A westbound sign
Weighed out
Her choices on a scale
Prevailing nothing made sense
Just transportation and a
Blank decision...

She's taking off
Taking off...
Taking off...
Taking off...

No time and no copping out
She's burning daylight and petrol
Blacked out the rearview mirror
Heading westward on
Strung out
On confusion road
And ten minute nervous breakdowns
Xanex a beer for thought
And she determined...

She's taking off
Taking off...
Taking off...
Taking off...

Is it salvation?
Or an escape from discontent?
Will she find her name
In the California cement?
Punched out of the grind
That punched her one too many times...
Is tragedy 2000 miles away?

She's taking off
Taking off...
Taking off...
Taking off...

…I’m a bad man, because I don’t even miss her.

People say I work too hard, well that may be. But if you aren’t down with that, then fuck you. Anyways, start the day with a friendly voice, a companion unobtrusive, as my man Geddy says.

So it has been a week and the progress with my course schedule is nowhere. Well I shouldn’t say that, they have actually enrolled me in first year civil engineering. So I guess, my displacement is negative, look on the bright side, I can go back next year and kill those 1T4’s, piece of cake right? Well half a piece.

I am going to the United States this weekend, hoping for some mad deals to be had. Mad deals. World Gone Crazy deals, the nature of deals where you’d consider selling an organ, or trading in a loved one just to get the object of desire…the kind of deals where you awake one night in the not-so-distant-future in a cold sweat, in your just awoken state of mind, you search for reasoning and logic to deduce whether those deals were a product of you dream, or a tangible expression of commerce.

Remember kids, money is something which can be exchanged for goods or services. In my case, I never have enough of it. Read: lacking 4000 spare dollars to blow on an Omega Speedmaster, but I digress complaining is for a select breed of people, called women. Zing!

So, here is my plan, thus far I have downloaded three textbooks, CME 210, 270, 263. I also may have located the textbook for CIV280. I now have some PDFs for these textbooks. My plan is to take these via a USB key to a print shop and have them printed, If I can get it for 2 or 3 cents a page, I’m looking at some mad savings.

At 3 cents a page, if I print 2000 pages, I’m looking at 60 dollars. Not bad, not bad at all. At 3000 pages, looking at what, 101 dollars some change, plus any upload fee, hopefully negligible at best. Much research is required…much work ahead. Education isn’t free, it should be, but this is Canada, remember, such a great place. That is to say, if you can afford it.

I had this conversation with someone recently, but I’ll put it in writing, makes it official. If you aren’t good at anything, you are useless. The harsh reality is that there are far too many mediocre or average people. You have to get up everyday, bleed excellence, ooze confidence, be all that you can be, and aspire to greatness.

…I guess you just have to wake up as David King, zing.

21

Everything feels just a little heavier and a little harder today.

Where is my volunteer app decision?

Something a little different today, going to write this as I slack at work…

So lately I have stumbled upon a great many things. To start, I have found a website, grooveshark.com which is unblocked at work and I can listen to almost any song. Read: any. I can even my obscure random music from a far off land. Work has gotten a lot easier, a lot quicker and a lot better.
I really wanted to work August 2nd, really. The 2nd being a civic holiday the office is closed and will run on a skeleton crew. Not often you can use that phrase in day to day musings. Anyways, anything will be better than being home on August 2nd. No gym, Mary and Jim home and by far the worst aspect: My birthday. Probably my 2nd least favorite, well, actually third least favorite day of the year.

I might as well take this time to outline the top three worst days of any given year:
1) Christmas Day, oh God…time with family, likely a decent meal, but that is overshadowed with horrible television and miserable time with Mary ever present.

2) New Year’s Eve, that one day a year where you HAVE and I mean HAVE to go out and have a social life and plans. You spend weeks and I mean weeks, beforehand trying to scrape together something ‘cool’ or ‘hip’ just to celebrate a new year. Fuck I hate New Year’s Eve…mostly because my friends and I aren’t exactly the social types. I miss being a child, we would just get together, get pizza, play video games or watch movies, take a break to countdown, return to what we were doing. Clear, simple and plain. Now that you are in your 20’s, God help you if you aren’t out in the social scene.

Breathed a sigh of relief when I had food poisoning for the 09-10 change over. For once I didn’t have to worry. I had an excuse to be in, and hey, I’m still alive.

3) My birthday, you get all that attention showered on you. I am not big on attention, I try to keep a low key, not a show off type. But on your birthday, you get it all. Undeserved I might add, I never get why people get all worked up over the day, it is just a day of the year. I haven’t celebrated it in years. I mean years. Spending your birthday in a Nova Scotia forest eating mint leaves on a survival ex in the Reserves really has a way of killing the ‘magic’ in it.

Mint leaves are surprisingly good, ya I was hungry as hell, but my breathe was to die for.

Caveat: This really only applied to cynical David.

So, I was in a mc ds the other night with my friends. Temptation was never stronger. It has been about a year a half, all of it sober. Got to keep pressing, but I miss fast food so much…so very very much. To but live in a world where I could have that quick convenient taste and relatively good pricing without the horrible health side effects. That world, that would be a better world …well that place does exist. A kingdom of conscious, a kingdom of Heaven.

I have not run in some time now, I don’t even know how long since I stopped counting. It was a week since I stopped counting, so now we are at a week + x, where x is a variable for time in days. That’s right, I have been mentally preparing myself for the coming ride for ruin…

Every year too few come to break the lines of U of T, regardless, go we must. Ahh so excited, can’t wait to see that crotch punching, elbow jabbing, face busting schedule which promises to shake the very foundations of the Earth.

Piece of cake right? Well, half a piece.

Coupling Collection

Two days until my school schedule is released. Then learn it, memorize it, exploit it. Profit.

Then comes the horrible horrible task of picking an artsci elective...ohh fuck, why God why? I was hoping this day would never come, but alas it is almost upon me. Like the wrath of Khan or the plague. I hate art scis. Read: courses which aren't science.

Anyways, a great part which had me on the floor the other day when I watched "A Knight's Tale"

For I have the pride, the privilege, nay, the pleasure....of introducing to you a knight sired by knights. A knight who can trace his lineage back beyond Charlemagne. I first met him atop a mountain near Jerusalem, praying to God, asking His forgiveness for the Saracan blood spilt by his sword. Next, he amazed me further still in Italy when he saved a fatherless beauty from the would-be ravishings of her dreadful Turkish uncle. In Greece, he spent a year in silence....just to better understand the sound...of a whisper. And so, without further gilding the lily and with no more ado, I give to you, the Seeker of Serenity, the Protector of Italian Virginity, the Enforcer of our Lord God, the one, the only, SIR ULLLLLRICH VON LICHTENSTEIN!!

ohh man, I was dying laughing...

Anyways, new Chatmonchy album came out, under my very nose! Shame on me...I am not sure I have listened to the whole thing yet, I have putting it on shuffle while I have been riding my bike. So far, not bad...I mean it's no Seimeiryoku, but perhaps it will grow on me.

I continue to be amazed by the ability of these 3 women. Oh sometimes I think I was born in the wrong country...

Grab your glocks when you see Tupac...

Call the cops when you see Tupac.

I'm gonna become a self-made millionaire. Mark my words. Gonna still be the person you love to hate.

Hurt my leg again, seems like it is becoming a yearly tradition. I can't run, can't even walk fast. Game over. Game over. That is okay, I'll just bike, and word harder right? right.

Sometimes I don't even know what to write about when there is no school to complain about. In this heat I find myself more mellow, less likely to get angry or upset. So enters the second issue for this blog. No rage, no writing material. I'm loyal to the game, the hate game that is.

Keep pressing right. The other guy's power is running low.

Thinking about getting this watch: http://cgi.ebay.com/China-SHANGHAI-peace-mechanical-watch-7120-/320562050809?cmd=ViewItem&pt=Wristwatches&hash=item4aa2fcb6f9

I really like it, I have been really getting into watches lately. A fine craftsmenship is each piece. I mean sure, in this day and age they are relics of a long gone time. But nonetheless, they are symbols of power, authority and above all position.

oh. Power.

The Omega Speedmaster, my dream watch:

Someday this place is going to burn...

...is your whole life in there waiting?

Had a ninteresting conversation with a man on the subway today, I noticed his ring and hardhat and asked him if he was a civil engineer. Imagine my surprise when he was. I told him of my plan of a life of mediocrity-that is-cushy overpain government job. He informed me that there is (what he believes)an unwritten rule amongst employers that public sector workers have an ingrained work ethic that is, well, less than good. As a result if you go City, you go for life, because the jump to public sector is apparently quite difficult.

He also informed me that Grad school is not really needed, currently civils are in high demand, all over the place, but espceially here in Toronto. The recession hurt structural but that is all changed now. In the two years you get your masters other people have worked and gained real world valuable experience. I dunno how I feel about this advice, I just feel that the masters will be such an innvaluable asset. But again, I am young and naive, what do I know?

That's just the way it is I guess. I need to speak with more engineers working in the real world, get a real taste of life.

Unfortunately I can't operate the easy way, make a 'g' a day, selling crack to the kids. Whatever, gotta get payed right? That's the way it is.

Everything's gone white, everything's grey.

Today I did a completely selfless act. I helped someone unable to move from one place to another do so, at no charge. I did so for nothing, the very notion of doing free labour is hateful to me.

So a lot of my department got fractured starting this Monday, some new thing in Markham or something...I have no idea, anyways, you know what means? More work for me. That's just fine, that's just one of my names.

...

It is now July 11, I started this on the 10th, got distracted and did not finish it. Yesterday I watched a few good movies, Momento, a GREAT Nolan flick, then Catch Me if you Can, I always loved that movie, it is the definition of a con man, just...yes, it proves if you have confidence you can convince people of anything. Based a true story no less, I mean Hollywood-ized a bit, but nonetheless, the real guy actually did pretend to be a Pilot, Doctor, and Lawyer...what a boss.

The only part I would change is casting, I don't particular buy Tom hanks as a FBI agent and I have never liked DiCaprio, just...in general, he has a weird voice. I try to look past that and I still enjoy the movie.

Anyways, World Cup day, get your game face on.

Backwards into a wall of fire.

Jesus, I read in the Metro today, the new revamped Metro I might add (more on that in but a moment) that this heat might stay with us till August. AUGUST, today is July 8th, there are 31 days in July.

31 - 8 = 23;
23 days left of this heat. Note that at the time of calculation it was 12:45 pm, so really its like 23.4x, where x is some number as I am not getting my calculator and it is too hot to think.

I can't do this man, everything is more difficult in the heat, running is the worst. After even 20 minutes I am soaking wet. Spoiler, I didn't run through any water. Typical. If this lasts till August, i might not make it man. The heat man, the heat...unforgiven.

Anyways, the new Metro, I hate it...it is very unorganized, more magazine-esque. There is no real flow, stories and tidbits of news are scattered about in a seemingly random order. Not a fan. Don't get me wrong, I still read it daily on my travels to the gym, but I need something to complain about. Do you expect me to say good things on this?

Anyways, the Hobbit isn't looking to promising, MGM's debt crisis may cost us, the public, an epic epic telling of a great tale. I just hope things work out, I mean come on, Sir Ian McKellen...love that guy...and I couldn't see, nay, couldn't have anyone else play Gandalf.

p.s. I think the x is like 25. Holy shit, I am not even sure, I gotta start prepping for next semester QUICK TIME.

Oh well, run time... game time.

I got some killers on my payroll...

Now I've got to ask, on a nigga's ass, tell me will they blast me?
I think of an alias in case these crooked bitches ask me
Now, it's gettin crazy after dark, these NARC's
be like tryin to shut me down but I'm too smart
Now picture me scared of the penitentiary
I've been movin these things since the days of elementary
Now tell me what you need when you see me
I'm stackin G's, buyin all the things on TV, believe me
I got some killers on my payroll, and they know
When it's time to handle business, nigga lay low
Although I'm young, I'm still comin up
I'm gettin paid, pullin razors on niggaz when they runnin up
The first to pull a strap when there's drama - busta you ain't heard?
I've been slicin motherfuckers since I lost my mama
There ain't a cop that can stop me
My posse is cock D, and they don't quit until they drop me
I'm loyal to the game

-Tupac

Man I love this commercial and song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mavbU-oiYCM&feature=related, too bad it is currently the hottest day in the history of the Universe out there...holy shit, I think I am going to die. Still have to go to work. All the time those whiny children who pass themselves off as adults in my office do nothing but complain about how cold it is, how "can we turn down the AC?" Jesus, no doubt I'll get there today and they'll be complaining how hot it is. Make up your mind. Children. Buy a sweater, wear layers, there are many alternatives.

Problem: Altering the AC in a building of that size is a massive job, and it takes hours and hours to go into effect.

Solution (for the worker drones too incompetent to realize the massive mechanical engineering/civil problem that is building air conditioning): Complain more.

Ya, maybe that's going work.

Humidity is the bane of my hair, it gets frizzy and loses its volume. Just thought you should know.

Departure

For someone who was never meant for this world, I must confess I'm suddenly having a hard time leaving it. Of course, they say every atom in our bodies was once part of a star. Maybe I'm not leaving... maybe I'm going home.

Chaos

The streets man, I was there...watched it go down...my poor city.

Broken shit everywhere, burning shit. Shit.

Spared no expense.

EARTHQUAKE FROM HELL

Na it wasn't that bad, I was about to shower when the very Earth below me quaked and shook with the fury of an old man trying to return soup at a deli.

Just a nice reminder that when the Earth wants, it takes. when it takes, it keeps. No engineering degree, no 300 lb bench press, no amount of money, no amount of swag with the women can stop it. It cannot be bought, dealt with, reasoned with or stopped.

You can be a Captain or a nobody, but when your luck runs out you die, that's just how it is.

Hearts and thoughts they fade...fade away.

Uneventful day

It doesn't help that I haven't done anything, but whatever.
My arms really got inflamed from the waxing, I suppose I should exfoliated afterwards, but that would have been too easy.

Not looking forward to that walk to work, not even close to looking forward to it.

I really want to go downtown this weekend and just watch the world as I know it here in Toronto explode. I really don't think anything major will happen, I mean let's be honest, we are Canadians we have about as much guts as the French when it comes to a conflict. But nonetheless I just wanna see how it goes, plus a show of force is always awesome to watch.

The funny part is the people protesting who think they are making a difference, who think they are going to change something. What a bunch of wasted energy. To the people who honestly believed the homeless, the needy, the school system, infrastructure, the TTC, or any needy organization/system was going to receive any part of the 1.2B dollars spent on this. You are naive.

Now I'm no conservative, I'm no liberal, in fact, I've never voted in my life given that I feel a vote should be an informed one, and that the voter i.e. me in this case should have a legitimate stake in any outcome, hence why I have not voted in my life. To vote for the sake of voting, or because it's your "right" who ever came up with that bullshit is reckless and you damage the very democratic system that millions payed in blood before you to defend.

It's sad, our faith has come down to a money and a tv.

Raine's arms are my hero. Be all that you envy, especially those guns.

Where do bad folks go when they die

Uneventful last...6 days, man...why can't I update this thing like I used to? Why does the blog not speak to me like it once did?

All good questions. Getting myself into my new routine now that I work at night. Grinding away the days till school begins again. Generally a day goes something like this:

Get up, eat, gym, (every other day core workout), eat, shower, eat, work, run, bed.

Just have to grind it out. For once in my life I actually enjoy a job I have, so perhaps the word grind which I would usually associate with mundane pointless tasks is ill-suited to describe this situation.

So I waxed my arms today, got rid of my FORESTS that were ever present since I hit puberty. I will not ever miss it, that is, if I keep this up, it is a lot of work and to be honest at times less than desirable.

I promise to try harder to update this. I promise. Until then, a nightly run will get me by.

Juiced, Vitamin S

So I changed up the blog a bit, you know, whatever give a shot.


weekend in short:
me: Sir, I was thinking of rejoining infantry.
Capt. Nick Czernkovich: Go armour, you don't have to walk.
me: ...

I'd like to go back to when we played as kids, but things change, that's just the way it is.

Honestly, this government business, not my cup of tea...always trying to screw the little guy it would certainly seem.

Anyways, I really need to start spell checking/editing for grammar/just re-reading over these posts prior to submission. Some of the mistakes I make are just...just horrible. Ah, who am I kidding, that will never happen.

Was listening to some Tupac today, Little preachy for my liking, all talking about getting the community together and standing up for yourself. I'm more for robbing, stealing, shooting, dealin, killin, feelin, smokin. But nonetheless, some good tracks. You know why? Tupac got up in the morning and he asked himself, was life worth living? Should he blast himself?

I find myself in a bit of a situation, I desire all the affordances I have in this great nation of ours, but I do not want to pay for them. As a citizen I understand that we pay taxes such that we are given certain gifts/services on which we rely. Policing, firefighting, emergency services, water, sewage, roads, etc. As much as those things form the foundation of my very existence and the western world as a whole, I'd just rather pocket as much of my income, nay ALL my income, tax free.

I mean, take this G20/G8 crap, wtf is a billion dollars being used on?

Real talks.

Certainty of death, small chance of success... What are we waiting for?

So, the last few weekends I have been watching the Lord of the Rings films, tonight I culminated the experience with the Return of the King. In my humble opinion it is far from the best, it certainly packs the action where it lacks in what is brought forth in the first one.

For certain, I cry everytime I watch this movie. No excuses, I shed a tear, there are many an epic scene/emotional scene which I just go to bits over. So, why not, my top 5 or so epic moments from Return of the King.

In no order.

1) When Gandalf rides out to help Faramir and his boys. Under the attack of Nazgul Gandalf rides out and does what he does best, use some crazy magic to make some light to someone...you know what? I don't know, it is jsut a really nice visual, combined with the music makes it very inspiring to me, the contrast in the scene as the light sky of the Free people's clashes with the darkened scorched sky of Sauron. Powerful stuff.



2) The charge of Rohan, need I say more? Fashionably late never rang so true. Show up, kill some Orcs, blow your horn, make an epic speech:

Forth, and fear no darkness! Arise! Arise, Riders of Theoden! Spears shall be shaken, shields shall be splintered! A sword day... a red day... ere the sun rises! [rides past his men, hitting their spears with his sword as he goes]
Ride now!... Ride now!... Ride! Ride to ruin and the world's ending!
Death!



3) The Gandalf-Pippin talk. My only hope is that it is as great as Gandalf makes it out be. Doesn't sound so bad after all.

Pippin: I didn't think it would end this way.
Gandalf: End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path... One that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass... And then you see it.
Pippin: What? Gandalf?... See what?
Gandalf: White shores... and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise.
Pippin: [smiling] Well, that isn't so bad.
Gandalf: [softly] No... No it isn't.



4) I would say the Aragorn speech to inspire his men, but when I look back. I honestly think the better part is when he looks back, "For Frodo" and charges in. heroic.



5) By far, the best part of the movie. The bow. The very King of Gondor, the leader of the free people's bows to Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin. "My friends, you bow to no one". Truly, they are the greatest heroes ever. They gave everything they could, and for Frodo it took everything he had.

We set out to save the Shire, Sam and it has been saved - but not for me.



All you have to do is look at his face, his face says it all. Things will never be the same. the burden of the Ring was far too much and he payed dearly. I many ways I think the Ring is a symbol, more over it is a representation of the burden(s) we all carry with us. The crosses we all must bear.

Unfortunately for some they are just too heavy, the cuts to deep and the scars too painful. Ultimately Frodo 'escapes' the world of Middle Earth, and with it the pain.

If only it was that easy for the rest of us...

The boy who would be King

Get rich or die tryin, am I right or am I right?

So working at night is pretty boss, except for no women. Read: attractive women. But ya, very few clients to deal with, few calls, mostly I just read the news and study calculus.

Which I am learning, read over Integration again, ahh memories, and now doing Polar coordinates and that weirdo circle shit. I have never touched this stuff in my life, so I am going in completely fresh and to be honest, I dont know what the hell this crap is. What are they asking me? The notes are just shape after shape after shape, Is there a question here or what?

Who knows man who knows, gonna try to clean the house a bit tomorrow, cut the grass, do my abs, go for a run, and try to get rich.

Sorry for the lack of posts, have really been zoned out the last week.

I'll make it up to you, if anyone still reads this.

Else, I'll make it up to you King, rather...boy.

Just one beat

So last Saturday a good friend of mine linked me to a channel on youtube where I could watch all 49 episodes of Gundam Wing. English dubbed, no commercials, uncut.

Mission accepted.

On the first day I plowed through 37 episodes, an slowly but surely made me way through the remaining only to finish yesterday. Exactly one week. Wow nostalgia glasses were fixed to my head. It certainly felt good to re watch a piece of my childhood and have it play out exactly as I remembered it. Adding to the enjoyment was the fact that as I watched my friend did the same and we swapped quotes/discussed plot devices/made fun of the absurd things/just generally had a good time on MSN.

It's weird, we first watched the show together back in our youth many moons ago. Now here in our 20's we resume right where we left off, as the episodes flash before us we are reminded of childhood good times and the same jokes we said then quickly fill the air, followed by laughter. Just like nothing has changed. Unfortunately the reality of the situation sinks in and I remember that the youthful David is long gone and everything has changed. But oh well, for the 24:47 minutes (the length of one episode sans commercials) I am born anew in its glory.

I suppose when I was younger I never really appreciated the ending, but now...now I really do. It really showed the character development that has taken place. At the start Releena invites Heero to her birthday party, he refuses and rips up the invitation card.

"I don't go to birthday parties"

This spawns the series unrequited love between the two, its culmination is the last 5 minutes of the final episode, heero no longer the complete soulless bastard he was at the start gives Releena a card, not exactly in person but leaves it for her and walks away (what exactly the card is for/about is not revealed). Anyways,long story short she rips it up right there and then.

"Next time give it to me in person..."

Ahh the role reversal...the poetic justice (Not that I pretend to know what that means, it just sounds cool).

Anyways, 49/49. Youth reborn in me.

Mission Complete.

Hey midnight...

...turn on your lights.

Some days I just look tired, but I feel wired. I think I need to get my wisdom teeth out, I'm really getting alot of pain lately. I'm no doctor but I'd say they have impacted. Everytime I eat, the same throbbing...man, and I take such good care of my teeth. I'm a militant teeth brusher. The tooth Nazi.

/some unrelated stream of thought I jsut wanna vent/
I am really worried about what is to become of a certain situation. Fall hard or fall harder. Does not seem like there will be a good way out now, I'm in too deep. My own goddamn mistake. Some days it's so good, some days I don't even know. Don't you lie to me. Oh what have I done. So wide awake at night now. Hey midnight is right.
/

Fuck this heat. I can't stand it. David King was built for speed over comfort, sarcasm over sympathy and cold over hot. I walk tot he bus stop, sweating. Walk to the gym from the streetcar, sweating. Be outside for > 30 seconds, sweating. Horrible.

Come as you are

"he had the desperation, not the courage, to be himself. Once you do that, you can't go wrong, because you can't make any mistakes when people love you for being yourself. It didn't matter that other people loved him; he simply didn't love himself enough."

"probably the worst thing that has happened to me in my life. I remember the day after that I woke up and I was heartbroken that he was gone. I just felt like, Okay, so I get to wake up today and have another day and he doesn't."

"sometimes you just can't save someone from themselves, and in some ways, you kind of prepare yourself emotionally for that to be a reality."

Mr Mojo Rising

Uneventful day...

for the exception of the fact I had work and gym, both of which are far from uneventful, but who is complaining?

To Qian, haven't talked to you in sooo long...man I miss you, how have things been? What are you up to? Gossip? Drama? Update me.

So stayed up late last night to watch the final episode of the Pacific which I missed sunday night. Well worth it...well worth it. Overall the series was pretty drab to me and relatively forgettable. This was pretty much all rectified with the finale...a really heavy episode, emotionally heavy...manly tears were shed.

Snafu didn't even say good bye...spend three years with someone in the closest bond imaginable and not even say bye when you leave. That hit me hard, he didn't even talk to any of his fellow marines for the rest of his life. The next time they saw him, they were the paul bearers at his funeral. Heavy.

and Sledge...if there is one person that was the most fucked up and didn't have a scratch on him, it was Sledge.

"Woman: Did the marine corps teach you anything?"
Sledge: they taught me how to kill Japs. I got pretty damn good at it."


Anyways, short forming people's names in a non funny/cool way...gay thing to do, or gayest thing to do? You decide.

How many miles to the battlefield

"Ahh I don't know how much more of this I can take. He just goes and puts a broken bone back into place, man that just totally grosses me out thinking about it!!"

Picture yourself, sleeping on a plane...

...there's something ticking in the overhead.
And inside your brains.

So I had my first real day of work on friday...I don't know how I felt about it. I mean on one hand it was exciting on the other hand it sometimes feels like I am taking advantage of people. No to mention I am terribly nervous on any phone call and as a result I talk very fast and throw in alot of um's and hmm's. Expressions which cast a shadow of uncertainty.

So I hadn't listened to the radio since May started, threw it on this morning...first song I heard. Black - Pearl Jam ...Ohh man, I belted the hell out of that song in the shower. I lack the golden baritone voice of his Holiness-Eddie-but nonetheless, I do try.

You know, sometimes I just spend long periods of time just staring at the mirror, I am so unhappy with the way I look. I'm working so hard to change it but it just seems everyday I see another guy and I find some feature of him I just love, and want...ohh why, why can't it be mine?

The only true thing my mother has ever said in my 20 years is: "David you are never happy with what you have". Truth. Never happy.


You dont understand how badly I want this shirt.

For me...it was tuesday

After today I don't know if I am the boxer or the bag. To start, failed my work evaluation, bullshit for one...but my own fault. It wasn't so much a studying issue as it was an issue with forgetting but a single sentence.

Following I dropped the FUCK out of a 225 pound bar while squatting. Loudest noise you have ever heard. A gym which is normally the centre of noise falls as silent as an occupied exam room. The eyes, fixed on you...lidless. In your head, embarassment, mercury rising as your face goes as red as the Red Planet.

To top the combo breaker of fail, gotmy CME mark...man what happened. What HAPPENED this exam period? I studied pretty intensely. Clearly to no avail.

What about the good...

Oh Hiroko Moriguchi, you make what heart I have melt. Everyday I seem to get older, you don't age a bit. Asian genes...She is so beautiful, oh man. That kind of timeless beauty that transcends the era and its associated norms. By that I mean that she would be attractive by today's standards, by the standards of long past, anytime. Timeless. Oh...and a nice voice too, you know...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPaVAb1vNLs&playnext_from=TL&videos=t3_UG57nFxU

Adia I do believe I've failed you

Sometimes it is just so hard. Then she calls, and it's not so bad anymore.

Work is a drag, it sucks 8 hours of my life everyday, if I didn't need money and experience so bad I would be out of there so fast. For the gym calls to me, and I respond in kind. I have seen some gains lately I might add, nothing that is call for celebration, but gains nonetheless.

Ohh man, APS112, cost me my 4.0, I can never have a CGPA of 4.0 ever again. Ever Again. I don't think I need to explain to you, the reader why I lost it. But here's the Cole's notes version, my group fucking sucked.

Anyways, just waiting on CME185 mark, Chances are though I am 100% for sure in Civil. Now if only I had the strength of character and resolve I have today, then I woulda been in civil 3 years ago, and wearing a ring next year. Oh well, in the next life I'll just be a Cop and beat up people I don't like. Sounds pretty sweet.

Some words for you kids.

Be all that you envy.

Learn to Fly

Wow, Iron Man 2...I am disapointed. Essentially I watched a few hours of NOTHING. Not a single thing happened. Disapointed.

I lost my umbrella today. What a blow to my ego.

Soldiered through my first week of work, peice of cake...well, halfa piece. Could do it standing on my head. Well, that is if you believe they put a man on the moon. Then I guess you would have to be the same people who believe there is nothing up my sleeve.

Wait and see.

I have the greatest craving for Fried Chicken. I need it. I want it. I can't get enough of it.

Walked around my good intentions...

...found that there were none.

Haven't posted in awhile loyal readers. I swore to God I'd never end up this way. So today was the first day of my new job, I was so excited, silly me, never get your hopes up...it seems really hard, mundane and the way it is looking, after May I will be the youngest person in the building, let alone my department. THE COMPANY.

On the plus side, I get to dress up, business casual, LIKE A BOSS. It's inside, and no fucking sun.

Back to the bad side, my favorite side.

Everyone just leaves during the summer, I hate it. You end up living in a place where everyone steals...time. You have to say those awkard or worse, sad goodbyes...I always cry at goodbyes, oh God, everytime. Everytime. I wonder what it looked like to have me back in the Army days, fully loaded, tac vest, etc and a loaded weapon crying as I departed. Oh well, I cry at departures, mine, yours, anyones. It's sad.

So lately I have really been getting hit with a hard fucking question. What do I do with my time, beside school and my various and many forms of exercise. Do you know what the answer is?
>
>
>
I don't do anything, if I'm not studying, sleeping, eating, running, going for a bike ride, going for a walk, lifting heavy shit, or at work. I am really doing nothing. What the fuck do you people do? Jesus, I consider my life pretty active and rarely if ever am I even close to bored...but I guess I am just boring to you people.

So the question stands, what the fuck do you people do with your time?

We do gym...still

Uneventful day...

For the exception of my very reason for getting up in the morning ends tomorrow. Fuck I miss school already. Here I am, overwhelming feelings, a thousand miles away from another real challenge.

Part of me will always be there.

Anyways, been looking for a gym for the summer...then again I currently don't have a job, but alas, the search continues. What I want is Oylmpic platforms, apparently they are harder to find than an honest politician.

I have so much more to write, but not the heart to write it, not today.

Another waste of four months here I come...

I would have gone with you to the end.

But you guys already know that...

It's almost over, just a few days...then my days will be nothing but clear, simple, and plain.

That's just fine, they are just one of my names.

I'm never alone.

I'm alone all the time.

Light years

That's how far I've come since last we spoke.

Who's doing this? Who's killing me? Who's robbing me of life and light.

Get err done, that's what I'm saying for tomorrow's ass fucking that is Programming.

Don't let this keep me out of Civ, I've sacrificied so much.

The last few days summed up as quick as I can, as it's 1:30 am, I'm fuck-tired, want to sleep, but also want to keep the world updated on the life and times of his Highness.

Libray is my home. I treat it as such. I respect it as such. I hate it as such.

Over the last few days, I've watched a bunch of Korean movies, which I shall probably not review, but I do recommend A Dirty Carnival ohh man, being a gangster would beat out engineer anyday.

Watched Tigerland today, ohh man..a young JACKED Colin Farell. Man, I do like that movie. Kinda like the guy I want to be, the rebel with the heart of gold.

Programming is hard. When I say hard, I mean fucking hard. I am struggling through these past exams. Not a good sign when you are 4 days out from dust off.

Going back to the gym for the first time in a week tomorrow. Shoulder is likely not healed, I will push through it, continue, and live the rest of my life in pain. I have decided this. Looking good and having strength is more important to me than health and comfort.

P.s. Uneventful day...

Witty

I hope he heeds my words about dealing with this in an orthodox manner.
He will. He's the best damn doctor on the wing, or any other wing for that matter.
He's a wild card.
But I'm glad he's in our deck.
Let's hope he plays a fair hand.
He'll come up trumps.
If there's not a joker in the pack, and sometimes there is!

Still in the suck

I am worried how this one is going to end. Fall hard or fall harder or push them to the ground. If I'm not careful, someone is getting hurt. What would Keith Hernandez do?

Anyways, still pushing it at Gerstein, I mean I don't exactly study HARD but at least I am there and fighting the good fight. The only fight worth fighting. The only way I can beat this hate/fear of Gerstein is to meet it face to face. Game on.

Days like this, you have to deal with all the shit normally, except now you do it under a rain burning roof.

So lately people have asked me about my summer, if I have travel plans, etc. Well I do...I'm going home.

In Summer

Pardon the real lack of updates as of late. I have just been buring the candle at both ends, and not on the computer much at all. You know me, study hard, chase girls, work like a man...or woman for that matter, I saw a girl row 70s today, shitty form but still...I row 75's, up from 70 last week. Beast.

Anyways, enough about you...let's talk about me. Here is a little known fact, and by little known, I mean no one but my parents, me and now the readers know. My actual name is David James. If anyone asks my middle name, I tell them it is James. But the factof the matter is I do not have a middle name.

My name is-by parts-First: David James Last:King.

No one knows that. I never want to hear the name ever again. Mary calls me it and I hate it, hate it with a firey passion that burns deep in my soul. Maybe because it's gay or maybe it is because I hate that woman. Who knows?

So...hungry...and it is 10:20 pm, I should be sleeping right now. Damn you Gerstein, damn you. You knowm you just gotta study somtimes. A line must be drawn here. This far, no further...I'm not saying staying late nights in that emotional roller coaster is going to be easy. I'm going to work harder than I've ever worked before. But that's fine, I'll just get tougher with it. Failure is not an option.

That's how winning is done.

Wish I had a worry rock

Another sentimental argument and bitter love
Fucked without a kiss again dragged it through the mud
Yelling at brick walls and punching windows made of stone
The worry rock has turned to dust fallen on our pride

A knocked down dragged out fight
Fat lips and open wounds
Another wasted night an no one will take the fall

Programmer: Glorified Typist

Uneventful day...

You know, I really can't wear a blazer without everyone, and I mean...like everyone commenting on "how sharp I look" or "what's the occasion" or something to that effect. I wasn't even dressing up that nicely.

Anyways, I realized what a week next week is. APS Quiz, APS Indy, APS Project. I haven't studied at all, barely touched the indy and lord oh lord what is happening with that program. I was expecting a real glorified slack filled last week of engineering, I was wrong and will be wrong.

A real black hole sun. They just keep holding you down, hand on your face, you can't breath, pushed to the ground.

-David on engineering.

Anyways, it really hit me today just what tomorrow is. Tomorrow is the last day of classes for artscis. Tomorrow is the last day of school for maybe 10 or so of my friends. My 4th year friends effectively graduate, well not really...but last day of classes ~~= end of school right? Right.

I guess I didn't really think of it, maybe I buried it down, maybe I just forgot and truthfully I just don't care about other people as much as I think I do. Maybe both, maybe neither.

Oh well, drown your fear. Till they all just disappear.

My last day will come, then you'll hold your breathe all summer...just waiting for that September day where you put your life back on hold. Then this will never have meant more:

QWERTY

Probably will be an uneventful day...

I normally don't write in the daylight hours, but whatever...sometimes some change is good right? Yes we can.

So the thing about drunk txts that I enver really understood was, do they actually feel that way...or is it the alcohol talking. Is it their sub-conscious talking, I don't know...I guess I'll see how it goes monday.

So like an idiot I dropped a bottle of water on my keyboard, the same keyboard I've had since my very first personal computer in grade 8. The same keyboard that has been with me through it all, the highs, the lows. Let us take this time to brainstorm here everything that keyboard and I went through.

-countless assignments, essays, labs
-MSN for the last like 7 years, well 7.5 actually
- subnote, that shit where you are trying to do math on msn with your friends because the exam/test is tomorrow and you struggle to show x^what the hell ever, or d/dx, and it just looks retarded and leads to more confusion
-YEARS OF WORLD OF WARCRAFT. Ohh man, WoW...wow (get it?), how did that board make it through that? I have to know. Pounding away, day in day out, those 6 hour raids Sun-Thur, the dailys, the Alterac Valley GRIND...my youth.
-Countless other video games that used to fill the void in my life. Man i used to be such a geek, what happened? Well maybe at heart I never really changed, I still have all my Dragon Ball Z and Gundam action figures in my room, PROUDLY displayed.
-Applying to University, seems kinda trivial, but it was a big step in my life, and I couldn't have done it without that keyboard.
-Reapplying, 2 more times because...well that is a story for another day

I'm sure there is alot more, but it escapes me at this juncture. Anyways, the point is, when you have had a keyboard for almost 8 years. When you have lived it for almost 8 years. When you have become it. The loss hurts, and my ability to type has suffered immensely. Keys are different shape, orientation, I make typos like it's popular, the whole thing is just greasey.

There was a time when if sitting at my desk on my computer and someone asked me "where are you from?" "Right here".

I don't care what you think unless it is about me...

To the next person who feels the need to remind me I only have 3 courses, and holds it over my head like they have to work SO much harder than me and I have it SO easy at school.

I am going to hit you.

You try essentially wasting two years of your life.

Jackass.

There is only one thing more interesting than therapy, and that's a dead body

Uneventful day...

In accordance with the prophecy the weather has hence forth returned to the shit we all deserve. I know what you are thinking, here comes another complaint/whining/QQ, but nay, NAY reader. I love the winter. Sure I hate snow, but I love the cold. Why you ask? Winter fashion. A nice winter coat cannot be topped by any, I repeat ANY summer article of clothing. The whole summer all I am doing is counting days in that living humid hell. Not to mention, there is something just alittle sexier about a woman in winter, maybe because you cannot see as much and there is that element of mystery involved. Maybe not, who is opposed to a little skin anyways?

Nothing like an old classic episode of NCIS while I do my abs, man...never fails to put a smile on my face. Anyways, after NCIS is that show BOnes, now I dunno I don't really catch it but I noticed something, Bones (the protagnist) really really reminds me of someone I go to school with, alot...in fact I wouldn't be surprised if they grew up to be just like that fictional character, except...I guess the engineer version. Whatever, Doctor, engineer, close enough.

I need a job...

"You made a joke!?
I can be quite amusing..."

Contact, left side....No shit!

Just caught another ep of the Pacific, pretty boss episode. The only thing I am alittle upset about is the length of episodes. Episodes aren't even the full 60 minutes, it's an HBO special I would expect at least very very close to 60, if not the full hour. Oh well, what can you do? Just enjoy what you have.

I pulled a bad one day, I ate HUGE, like Xbox HUGE and then went for a run...what the fuck was I thinking? I also threw up on the side of the road and I only made it 4km, barely...that was just stupid. What a waste of a sunday run.

I was in complete command this weekend, I did more these last 3 days then I have the entire semester. You know how you can tell I don't do school shit anymore? Look at this blog...look at like Sept-Dec, all school related whining. Now look, all life-related whining. I rest my case...

Anyways, I digress. Firday afternoon, drew up a rough copy of my Indy Portfolio, then hit the gym and killed it. Saturday, studied APS and APS for like 5 hours. then today, sunday...busted up my FDS sections, all done...and started some research on the CME185 map...thing...

Pretty much, world's best boss, what can I say?

Earth below us
drifting falling
floating weightless
coming home...
Earth below us
drifting falling
floating weightless
coming home...
Earth below us
drifting falling
floating weightless
coming coming home...
home.....

The best albums of 1992

Well, if you are reading and born in 1992, and well there is only one of you, here is what I think is the best album of 1992. So i spent my friday afternoon combing the internet for the albums of this year and came to this conclusion, I wanted to select a top but with this list, hell I don;t even know where to begin.



So here it is, the top 5 albums of 1992 in no particular order:

Fully Completely - The Tragically Hip http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fully_Completely

This album is ACE, look at the tracks, Courage...100th Meridian...FIFTY MISSION CAP, ohh man this is the sound track of those long drives with Steven Cawthorne. I can't count the amount of times I have played courage in my head before doing something bold or stupid. Never fails. The Hip are Canadian Icons, I'm not really a big patriot but I wouldn't trade these guys for the world, track after track of greatness. The next time you are sitting down to that final, or looking for the words to say to that beautiful women, just remember...courage, couldn't come at a worse time.

Incesticide- Nirvana
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incesticide

Not Nirvana's best by far, but nonetheless this is the great of great of Grunge, oh man to have been my age in 1992, all I have now are the stories of others and youtube. I digress. This album has Sliver, what more does one have to say. Other than that, the album isn't terribly memorable but it is tolerable. Oh snap, I completely forgot Aneurysm was on this...anyways, Nirvana isn't really for everyone, but for this nostalgic writer, well...the album takes me home (see: Sliver)

Dirt - Alice in Chains
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dirt_(album)

Oddly enough I heard "Rooster" this morning on the radio as I showered. Old Alice in Chains was ace, just ace...I really miss Staley since his death in...2004? 2002, I just wikied it. Anyways, alot of power and emotion in this album, alot. I could write a whole blog entry on just "Rooster", fuck it...I will, anyways, I recommened this album to say the least. The sound: grunge, Staley's voice: ace.


Kerplunk - Green Day
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kerplunk_(album)

Well it is 1992, so I have to work with what I got. What I have is Kerplunk, old Green Day. Read: Punk Green Day. Not this poppy new crap...hey I did love American Idiot and still listen to it religiously, but there is something about those quick 2-3 minute repetitive powerful jams that emobied everything punk was and still is. I am thankful to say Billie has not lost his voice in the slightest.

Side bar, when I was in highschool people honestly told me I looked like Billy Joe Armstrong from Green Day, legit...and you know what..I see it, minus the hair, we do look very similar facially.

Automatic for the People - R.E.M.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Automatic_for_the_people

Oh man, one of R.E.M.'s best without a doubt. If I had to pick a favorite track it would be without a doubt "The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonite", As with 99% of Michael Stipe's work, I have no idea what it is about, it is beautifully worded and masterfully performed nonetheless, probably my favorite album of 92', but hard to say...ahh I could go on, but ya...


Honourable mention:

The Chronic - Dr. Dre
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Chronic

If you wanna feel black and motherfucking gangsta, throw this on, cruise down the block and just take it in. You will not regret it.

It is too beautiful to be down

You know that game you played when you were a kid, the game where you walk down the street and avoid all the cracks? You hop around like a kid does with youthful enthusiasm avoiding cracks out of the fear that you will break your mother's back.

I never realized it, but that game is just a metaphor for the rest of your life. Except the cracks are now those endless and difficult assignments and exams or the girlfriend you don't have and that feeling that no one loves you like you love yourself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MAo5Q2vPYB8

I am...I am Superman, and I can do anything

Uneventful day...

For the exception of the three-a-day I just did...man oh man. Normally I run two-a-days some muscle groups + run or abs, today I threw in the run with the abs and the other muscle groups. It was a beautiful so I couldn't pass up that opportunity, seems like as every spring/summer approaches I have some sort of physical set back which prevents me from being able to run. I pay in blood all winter in the snow and ice freezing my testicles off for the chance and privilege to be able to run in the powerful light of that yellow Sun.

Currently watching the Pacific, the other bookend to the Tom Hanks masterpiece that was Band of Brothers. I wonder how this one will turn out, I love Band of Brothers, loved it dearly and frequently watch it, not to mention that theme song is awesome.

Wow I really can't think of anything to complain about, I guess all it takes is a little sunshine and it takes my normal sour mood and turns it upside down. Basked in the light of that yellow sun.

Every calorie is a war

Oh man, Our Lady Peace was ACE. Ace. Is Raine a performer or what? I was really surprised as I didn't really see him as that kinda of guy. You could really feel the energy of the band and of Raine especially. I guess we are their hometown, I mean...they have to love us.

In alot of ways I really admire the guy, I mean he went from a U of T student to the front man of a hugely popular Canadian band. I mean, killing is the most noble profession, but a performer is up there. Bringing that much happiness to that many. There is certianly something to be said about someone who can caputre the audience of an entire room. No doubt.

Of note, Raine hasn't lost the voice, THANK GOD. That naisally falsetto is fucking boss. It is truth. GREATEST HITS SET?!?! I shit you not. That's seriously ace, every song I really/dreamed of hearing, I got to hear it. A better gift could not be given. Futhermore, the Kids-Naveed combo, holy shit...I died...I mean it (Kids by MGMT) fits into the quiet part of Naveed so well, it is just such anice change. Upon inspection it appears they do this often, here it is in Montreal:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1wJbRgRJsY&feature=related

Oh man, good times probies, good times.

If I was in PHE, my thesis would be on squats.

Uneventful day...

Defs a combo breaker of fail today to say the least. Let's use the bullit list format as that's what my jackass TA seems so fond of:

-Hungry the WHOLE day, even after like 4 meals...still hugnry now I just ate for the 7th time...pure catabolic state today. Purest of pure. You should never be hungry, anabolic or go home.

-CDS fail, 61...61%, my team, fuck em...I am done working, I am going to do the super bare minimum and fuck the FDS, fuck the presentation, fuck my client, fuck APS, fuck my group, fuck the iClicker, fuck Korshots shitty notes, I could go on.

-My TA is an ass. See: above.

Anyways, the bullits make me feel like an idiot. So the TTC was like kaputs after Steven and I left the gym today, the result of which was a long and convoluted trip home via street cars and buses. In fact, I'm feeling engineer-ie/artistic, I'll map it out.

I got home like an hour later than expected, had to sack doing my abs to the level I wanted just to have time to do what I wanted to do and still go to bed after this post. Trying to keep to my 930-10 ish retreats.

On the plus side, that Broadview streetcar has the most amazing view of the downtown core, especially illuminated like that at night. Only one view better, the one from T&T off of Cherry Street. ahh Oyster sauce, that's another post for another day.

ahh...but that view: dressed up in pretend memories more beautiful than the real ones.

YO I'M PRISON MIKE

Uneventful day...

This monday I had the interesting experience of not having my watch. All in all it was a humbling period where I learned to trust my internal-Swiss and use the sun and other markers in day to day life to tell the time. In many ways I really enjoyed the day. For instance, often I find myself checking my watch like a it's a sick drug or for of reassurance, monday I didn't, I couldn't. The whole bus ride home I was just content to look out the window at the beautiful sunny day before me.

While on the topic of time. I really want to remove the hour hand from my watch and play some sort of mental game of witt and cunning to determine the time throughout the day. Stupid? Yes. Going to make me late/miss important events? Yes. +rep everytime I get the time correct will be awesome? Yes.


Anyways, time...it's relative, I once heard about a watchmaker who stopped making watches after he heard this.

Probies

I don't even study anymore...and I don't even care. There was a time, last year, even last semester where you couldn't steal me away from that lib and those books. Now you can't make me go. What happened?

So this friday I have two amazing, AMAZING tickets to see Our Lady Peace at Massey Hall, not to mention they are playing Clumsy, only my favorite album. But I am not even excited, I have no one to go with...I've asked someone and you know what she said?

"Wish I had the time" What the fuck is that? I know for a fact she loves OLP and...just wow. I wonder if it's this whole world that stinks, or just me.

Someone has to go with me, I can't go alone.

Mood: 1979-esque

Why not? How about an interpretation of what I feel is the Pumpkin's best track.
How about the live version if you care to listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3piyO5veDI

Shakedown 1979, cool kids never have the time
On a live wire right up off the street
You and I should meet
Junebug skipping like a stone
//Sets the scene, it's his childhood in the burbs, carefree.

With the headlights pointed at the dawn
We were sure we'd never see an end to it all
//They are never gonna grow up, or see an 'end', but alas those 'headlights' or rather, their lives are headed forward to the next day. They can't stop it, everyone grows up. Full of life, full of hope they are.

And I don't even care to shake these zipper blues
//Sexual frustration
And we don't know
Just where our bones will rest
To dust I guess
Forgotten and absorbed into the earth below
//On death I suppose, that or they have about as much direction as an ArtSci not in a professional program...I don't really know...it sounds pretty morbid, almost like it doesn't seem if anyone cares where they go or what happens to them.

Double cross the vacant and the bored
They're not sure just what we have in store
Morphine city slippin dues down to see
That we don't even care as restless as we are
We feel the pull in the land of a thousand guilts
And poured cement, lamented and assured
//They have to grow up to work in the city, the city which lements and hates the very people who work their to make it what it is. Ironic. A land of cement and guilt, sounds like a city to me.

To the lights and towns below
Faster than the speed of sound
Faster than we thought we'd go, beneath the sound of hope
//They grew up fast. Faster than the speed of sound apparently, sounds fast. Faster than they thought at least.

Justine never knew the rules,
Hung down with the freaks and the ghouls
No apologies ever need be made, I know you better than you fake it
//His friend obviously is rolling with another crowd, one of a different nature than our narrator. She obviously doesn't belong there, but she pretends to be someone else. Obviously our narrator is not fooled.

To see that we don't even care to shake these zipper blues
And we don't know just where our bones will rest
To dust I guess
Forgotten and absorbed into the earth below

The street heats the urgency of sound
As you can see there's no one around
//In the end growing up in the suburbs sucks, at least as portrayed here. The streets are apparently alive but the cool mellow drumming and lack of any backup vocals or eccentric guitar work portray just the opposite to the listener. Maybe it is a metaphor for life, it's silently or quietly catching up with us, we don't even realize this.


Anyways, I went outside for a nice night walk to call my friend, she didn't answer, expecting a conversation I was left standing there. As I could see, there was no one around.